ughhh i feel like such a dumbass
i accidentally ignored a friend who is very nice and cool, then i remember that my dad started yelling "i could've shot you!" to my mum at 4 am
im worried about a lot of things, a random dude in one of my classes keeps staring straight at me even when the prof is speaking, im not getting good grades, im behind, i have a presentation due tomorrow.
dont get me started on old stuff, though
actually. i may
dad used to be a way worse person than he is now, even he admits it. he used to drink even more heavily, he would yell at us and hit my brother once. now, hes better. he doesn't yell at us except when hes REALLY angry and anxious, and he doesn't drink as much as he used to. dont get me wrong, he still drinks a lot, but even he told us that if we were to do the same as him, he'd disown us.
mum would sometimes have us believe that it was normal. he almost kicked me out for god's sake. guess what age i was? 8. EIGHT. and within the past year or two, he almost kicked out everyone in our family except me and himself. reason why i were to stay? i was still in school. all of that over not telling him "happy father's day" that day.
i sometimes wonder if he even loves us. thats not something you should worry about with your own father. when he gets mad, he gets really mad. he yells, calls us names, says we're useless in multiple ways, stuff like that. recently, he yelled at my brothers for being useless because they couldn't find a job. then he got fired.
we've been running off of his military payment from when he was active duty. he got disabled for us, so we could live comfortably. im getting used to not having as much money be spent, but i just wish the job market would be better than how it is now. i miss being able to not worry myself over something my parents tell me not to worry about. sometimes i worry we wont be able to pay rent, and then be homeless.
i think. ill just play umamusume for a bit